Why Bullying Occurs and How to Stop It
February 6, 2012
Why would anyone want to belittle, push-around or hurt another person? Answer; to prove they have power over that person. The need to display power on the outside; reveals a weakness on the inside, which is this. The chatter in our head has the ability to make us feel incomplete. This feeling of being “less-than” can be a call-to-action. One way bullies demonstrate to themselves and the world that they-have-it-all-together; is to prove they have power over others. The need to control others provides an important clue as to how this type of thinking finds its way into a bully’s consciousness and where it comes from.
If we could peel back the layers of our humanity we would discover there are two sides to our personality. One side moves us forward while the other side holds us back. The side moving us forward is aware, lives in the present moment, makes conscious choices and is connected to a mindset that benefits everyone. The side holding us back is judgemental and works in conjunction with the chatter in our head. This chatter collects the evidence as to what’s wrong with us and the world, in the hope that we will react, in a self-serving way.
This judgmental creation is a byproduct of us having a highly creative brain that has created, without our knowledge or permission an image of who our brain thinks we are, that speaks to us through the chatter in our head. Sigmund Freud, the father of modern day psychiatry called this image the ego, which is Latin for “I.” The ego has four basic needs; its image (how it wants to be seen); bring right, having control and not being accountable.
Bullies exhibit all four qualities, but how does this belief that we are “less-than-whole” evolve? Much of what we believe originates from within the home. As children, we unknowingly adopt our parent’s values. For example, when parents bully their children by saying they’re stupid or don’t have what it takes; there is a likelihood, if heard enough, that the chatter in a child’s head will transform their parent’s comments into a belief about who they are and how to treat others.
Bullies celebrate power and want to feel complete, and yet fail to understand that we are born complete and have the power of the universe available to us, which raises a question.
How do we reach out to those who may be at risk; there is only one way; through EDUCATION? To learn more about “what moves us forward and what holds us back,” click on this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29SSuVwc78M
Why Personal Attacks Will Always Be a Part of Life and Politics
February 1, 2012
Personal attacks are conducted to make others wrong. Making another person wrong implies that the attacker is right!
For example, in their January 24, 2012 editorial, the San Jose Mercury News attacked Romney, “Romney needs to reveal more of his finances.” In spite of Mitt Romney submitting his 2010 1040’s and an estimate for 2011, he was attacked for not submitting returns that go beyond 2010, “Romney should produce tax returns for at least 10 years, as President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden have done.”
This article went on to paint Romney as insensitive and incapable of knowing how people feel when they get a pick slip by saying, “Here’s what voters learned on Tuesday. Romney and his wife Ann, made $21.6 million in 2010. This is the candidate who implies he knows how people feel when they get pink slips. Oh, come on.”
The Mercury News continued their attack by saying, “Romney and Gingrich advocate tax plans that would make them wealthier at the expense of the average worker.” Oh really, how so?
The paper concluded their “let’s make Romney wrong” editorial by adding, “Two years aren’t going to cut it. If Mitt Romney wants voters to trust him, he’s got to come clean.”
“Come clean!” What law did he break? And if this was not enough, the paper attempts to make the electorate wrong as well by implying that “anyone voting for a presidential candidate who only submits two years of tax returns; is voting for the wrong person.”
Given our intelligence, where does this idea of making others wrong come from? It originates from the negative side our personality, a creation of our brain that is dedicated to its image, being right, having control and not being accountable.
To learn more about what is really going behind our cerebral curtain, check out my article, “The Emergence of “The Self,” No Wonder We’re Confused,” by clicking on this link; http://coachmerich.com/the-emergence-of-the-self-no-wonder-were-confused/
Teaching Our Children to Value Education
February 1, 2012
We protect what we value and during my formative years, I did not value education; which is why I barely graduated high school. I found school boring. However, after a stint in the Army, my attitude about education changed. I went back to school and earned a Bachelor of Science Degree in Accounting.
Looking back it’s easy to understand, and yet hard to fathom, why I had no interest in school. I enjoyed science and nature, and yet, could care less about sitting in a classroom. My uninvolved parents may have had something to do with me not having an interest in school.
We never talked about education, current events or anything else for that matter. My father’s, “I don’t want to get involved attitude” was everywhere. Even at the dinner table, he would shut down the conversation by saying, “Don’t talk; just eat.”
Over time this created something larger within me that went beyond not having encouragement or mentoring; I had no clue as to what my talents were or what I wanted to do.
I believe having passion and purpose impacts our motivation to expand our knowledge and experience. I also believe, as in my case, there is a correlation between students that are doing poorly and those who are feeling lost. Recently, while speaking to a teacher that taught “advanced elementary education,” she said, “If you don’t develop a child’s habits and attitude early-on, when they get to be 9-10-11 the educational process can be problematic, if the student has not learned to value education.”
In “The Silent Epidemic,” a research paper sponsored by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, boredom was one of the primary reasons why students dropped out of high school, but here’s the good news. We have the power to bring a student’s attention back into the classroom if we can demonstrate, with enthusiasm and caring, what’s in it for them. We all want to be valued, but more important is that we value what’s in our own heart.
In 1945, a parchment was discovered in Egypt that was buried for thousands of years. Contained within this ancient text was a quote, detailing the importance of embracing what you love.
“If you bring out what is within you, what you bring out will save you. If you do not bring out what is within you, what you do not bring out will destroy you.”
Click on this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29SSuVwc78M to learn about a strategy that will assist in “bringing-out,” what is within you?
If We Follow The Clues, We Can Stop The Insanity
November 15, 2011
Why are we having so much trouble understanding how our psyche works? We know more about outer-space then we do about our, “inner-space.” Millions are afflicted with mental conditions that range from schizophrenia to bipolar to obsessive compulsive to a myriad of phobias that often keep us from doing what we know to do.
In spite of all the clues, we have failed to explain the nature and power of the “forbidden fruit” that is responsible for Adam and Eve being kicked-out of the Garden Eden.
The famous story book detective, Sherlock Holmes, knew that cognition was at the heart of solving the crime when he said, “There is nothing so elusive as an obvious clue.” And with that in mind I invite you to explore with me, a new level of cognition, as we identify clues that may solve the riddle as to why we live under a mental guise that has the power to hold us back.
Let’s begin by noticing that we are the only animal on the plant that suffers under the weight of its own thinking. The other primates don’t worry about tomorrow or regret what they did the day before, or feel guilty because they took food from another member in their troop. Or the member they stole from; now holds a grudge against the thief, which raises a question. What major factor separates us from the other primates? It would have to be our intelligence; our brain is more sophisticated, but in what way? We have the ability to imagine; to project into the future and past, and to see, in our mind’s eye, what is not there. But what does our ability to imagine, have to do with our suffering? Nothing, until you link it with another clue, our nighttime dreams, which are often chaotic and nonsensical. Have you ever dreamed about a person, place or thing that did not appear as it really is? Hallucinations such as this, demonstrate that our brains will miss-create, by taking reality and twisting it into something of its own making.
Now you may wonder, what does miss-creating have to do with negative thinking? Nothing, until you link it with another clue, our subconscious; that place where our brain monitors and maintains our body, without us even knowing about it. The fact that our brain miss-creates and has total control of our subconscious, gives weight to the theory that our brain has created, without our knowledge or permission, an image of who our brain thinks we are that speaks to us through the “chatter in our head.” You know that voice, the one that calls you, “Dummy and stupid” and says, “You don’t have what it takes!” Understanding the language of our chatter opens the door to our inner world. But why would our brain produce an aberration that can keep us from doing what we know to do? The answer may lie in the universe itself, which contains both positive and negative energy. However, when this energy enters our brain something happens. The psyche will separate one from the other and display them in our personality.
The positive side mimics our universe, which is always creating, changing and in order. Our negative side works in conjunction with the chatter in our head, which takes our imagination and uses it to produce mental conditions that hold us back. Sigmund Freud, the father of modern day psychiatry, called this image the ego, which is Latin for “I” (the self.)
By simply combining a few clues, it becomes apparent that humanity pays a price for having a highly creative brain, but we’re not through yet.
If you decide to journey further down the rabbit-hole you will discover there are only two states of mind, peace and suffering. It is here that we learn that all mental conditions are a product of these two states. Happiness, joy, contentment, being grateful is an extension of peace. Schizophrenia, bipolar, obsessive compulsiveness, and all the other abnormalities and phobias are linked to the chatter in our head, which orchstrates the ”condition.” This notion of us having “a problem,” because we hear voices in our head is nonsense. We all hear voices because this is how our brain communicates with us.
The depth and intensity of a mental condition can vary, from severe to highly manageable. In order for coaching and/or therapy to be successful, the recipient must have the capacity and motivation to take the next step, and the next and the next. To learn more about, “what moves us forward and what holds us back,” I invite you to take the next step by clicking here; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29SSuVwc78M
Why The Concern About “Transforming Ourselves?”
November 4, 2011
Given our intelligence, why in the world would we have to be concerned about “transforming ourselves?” One can argue that we don’t always do the right thing. Some say there’s evil in the universe, but where? If man no longer existed, where’s the evil? Show me that part of our universe that supports evil? It’s not there; however, there is a state of mind that the universe does support, peace. Peace is the only state of mind that shares common ground with the universe, which raises a question. If peace is an extension of the universe, what causes us to lose this connection?
The answer; we humans pay a price for having a highly creative brain, that has created, without our knowledge or permission, an image of who our brain thinks that disconnects us through its rhetoric. You know that voice, the one in your head that “chatters” and tells you to do and say stupid things; the one that drives you to be angry, compulsive or depressed.
Ah! Now we see the need for transformation. The world of opposities has found a way into our thinking.
The positive side mimics our universe, which is creative, ever changing and in order. The side our brain created is not concerned with “moving forward, but rather is committed to holding us back, through its surrogate, the” judgemental chatter-in-our-head,” which raises a question.
How do we overcome this creation of the brain that impacts all that we do?
Click here to learn the answer; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29SSuVwc78M&feature=feedu
Theoretical Psychology Enables Us to “See” the Unseen
November 4, 2011
Theoretical psychology enables us to ”see” the unseen by employing models and abstracts that predict psychological phenomena.
Ever since Adam and Eve were kicked out of the Garden of Eden, we have contemplated, without success, why we humans can be so extraordinary on one hand, and on the other, confused, self-serving, and at times, destructive. Given our intelligence, what mental dynamic would cause us to be confused, self-serving, and at times, destructive? Guided by a quote by the famous story book detective, Sherlock Holmes who said, “There is nothing so elusive as an obvious clue,” I decided to poke around in my own thinking to see what I could find, when I spotted a clue I had not noticed before; my nighttime dreams, which are often chaotic and nonsensical.
Have you ever dreamed about a person, place or thing that did not appear as it really is? This happens because our brains can and will miss-create. Now you may think, so what, I’m awake, I’m in control, I know what’s going on. But wait, there’s more to the story. Much of what our brain does, it does in our subconscious, away from our prying eyes. But what does the subconscious have to do with us being confused, self-serving, and at times, destructive? My theory makes that connection.
A theory is a based upon a hypothesis, backed by evidence that can be tested. Psychological theories have two key components: (1) it must describe a behavior and (2) make predictions about future behaviors. My hypothesis is that our brain has created, in our subconscious, without our knowledge or permission, an image of who our brain thinks we are that communicates to us through the chatter in our head.
My theory is based upon the fact that our brains (1) miss-create (2) control our subconscious and (3) produce mental states that hold us back. We experience the pangs of bipolar, depression, schizophrenia, obsessive compulsiveness and other mental disorders because there is a side of our personality that is dedicated to producing these anomolies. To learn more about how my theory (1) describes behavior and (2) makes predictions about future behaviors, click here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29SSuVwc78M&feature=feedu
Psychological Medication, When Possible, Must Be Accompanied With Education
October 26, 2011
“Fire and Forget” is a term used to describe a missile that needs no additional guidance, once the operator has pulled the trigger. ”Fire and Forget” is also an unfortunate metaphor for those who receive psychological medication, with little or no education.
But what is the purpose of a psychological drug? To quiet the chatter in a patient’s head. However, the opposite can happen, whereby the drug will turn up the volume instead of turning it down.
Patients who find themselves in this dilemma and have no idea of what’s going on, have resorted to sucide in order to eliminate this noise.
The “Class Compass,” which can be downloaded free from my website, is a simple tool that enables us to be aware of our chatter and how it works.
Why There is Power in “The Present Moment”
October 26, 2011
Cultures, over the ages, have opined about the power of the present moment. But what is it about the present moment that give us power? Unlike our fellow primates, we have the mental capacity, for example, to project into the future and past. Here’s the problem. The chatter in our head takes this talent and uses it, in a perverse way, by propelling us into the future and asking us “what if” questions we can’t answer. What if you lose your job? What if you can’t find another job? What if you can’t pay your bills?
Fear is born out of not having the answer of how to protect what we value. But here’s the crazy part about this process. Our chatter knows that we cannot answer questions about the future. And when we attempt and fail, our chatter will fill the void by suggesting that the worst will happen. And when our chatter has exhausted this path into the future, it will drag us into the past in order to show us what we did wrong.
Being “mentally present,” in the present moment, enable us to get off this mental merry-go-round, because the chatter in our head and the present moment cannot occupy the same space. In other words, when our attention becomes one with the present moment, the chatter in our head dissipates. Understanding this time-space relationship, empowers us when attempting to shift, from one state of mind to another.
There is An Order To All Things, Including Politics
October 26, 2011
I believe there are two side to our personality.
The positive side mimics the universe, which is always creating, changing and in order. Our founding fathers used this model to create our nation’s most cherished documents; The Declaration of Independence and The Constitution. America is a creative nation of governing bodies that support change, without which we would be out of order.
The negative side of our personality, which our brain created, is not concerned about balanced budgets, fiscal responsibility or the fact that our country is heading toward a financial cliff, but rather, its image, being right, having control and not being accountable.
The factors that define each side our personality serve as a litmus test that can be used to determine from which side of a politician’s personality they are attempting to govern from.
What’s Really Happening in Obama’s Mind
October 20, 2011
If we could peel back the layers of our humanity, we would discover that our personality has two parts. This ”two-part” theory addresses why we humans can be so extraordinary on one hand; and on the other, confused self serving, and at times, destructive.
Take President Obama, for example, he’s bright, articulate and at the same time confused (he believes the redistribution of wealth and government spending will grow our economy,) self serving (blames others for his failed policies) and destructive (continues with massive deficits to fund his social agenda, knowing full well that our county is heading toward a financial cliff.)
But from where does the negative side of our personality come from? From our brain! Humans pay a price for having a highly creative brain that has created, without our knowledge or permission, an image, a likeness of who our brain thinks we are that speaks to us through the chatter in our head.
Sigmund Freud, the father of modern day psychiatry, called this image the ego, which is Latin for “I.” The ego is comprised of our beliefs. And based upon the results, Obama believes:
- He is the one who should decide, who gets what, which is why, ”favored cronies” are exempt from ”Obama-care,” and you and I are not.
- Government is the solution.
- Class warfare, dividing the American people, is justified if it makes the other side ”wrong” or puts distance between him and his failed policies.
And if this is not enough, Obama believes America should be an entitlement society like Europe, who is now telling us, “Go back, don’t be like us,” which raises a question. In spite of the overwhelming evidence that Europe’s entitlement model has failed, why would Obama continue down this road? The answer lies in knowing what the ego (the alter-self, the negative side of our personality) values.
The ego values its image, being right, having control and not being accountable. When you apply this template to Obama’s style of governing, it’s clear to what is happening inside of Obama’s mind. Obama’s alter-self is running the show. A president that imposes upon the American people, through congressional trickery (the deem and pass,) a costly and highly ineffective national health care system, and touts, “If congress won’t give me what I want, I’m going to take it,” demonstrates he is not concerned about our welfare, but rather:
- His image
- Being right
- Having control and,
- Not being accountable
Has Obama ever told the American people what’s really in his heart? Do you hear Obama speaking about the benefits of “Obama-care?” Of course not, because Obama-care is not about health care or doing what’s best for the American people, it’s about control and social justice, which will eventually rip the guts out of the best health care system in the world.
This election will be like no other. The personal attacks and misinformation that will come out of Washington, and from their surrogates, to disguise Obama’s lies and failures will be unprecedented. Obama knows full well that if he came clean and told the American people what the “chatter in his head” really wants America to be, his fate as a one term president would be sealed.
